You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
