mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
