I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
