And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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