Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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