The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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