I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
