and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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