I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
