You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
