the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
