you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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