dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
