i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
