This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
