Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
