Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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