herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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