Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
