i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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