1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
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