So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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