I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
