I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i out mim tonsoeep
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