hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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