So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
