I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
