i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize