Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
