Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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