So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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