Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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