Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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