I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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