it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I looked at my own cervix.
he shaved USA in his pubs
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
