Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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