whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
