I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Watching her eat just hurts me
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
