so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
