Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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