I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
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You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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