I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
