I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
