I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize