I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Randomize
