I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
