We won't sleep together?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
