I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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