I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize