I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
did i walk over a car last night?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
