Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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