My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
