I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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