I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
