I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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