turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
