I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
a search helicopter?!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
