her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
