Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
