you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
