Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
