Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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