Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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