It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
