If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
