i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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