your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
