haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
