The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
