we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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