Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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