Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
