After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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