I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
