Me too!
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
