Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
